"Spontaneous combustion! What a stroke of luck!" - Steve Purcell, "Sam & Max : Monkeys Violating the Heavenly Temple"

Welcome, welcome, welcome, to, yet again, the stex dimension, very, very far away from Apollo Victoria. A mighty continent on the other half, that, though it was all nice to look at, was lacking two major factors for a train to make a decent living there. Namely, tracks and Strawberry Bootlaces - no, that is, any kinds of Bootlaces. And oh the humanity!

Let's just follow one of the few tracks on this wild place, all the way to some mines in the heart of the Australian outback.

The box cars, six or seven of them, loaded up to the top, were just being coupled to the mighty, if somewhat banged up diesel engine in front.

"Oh, man, you can't be serious!" C.B. whined as they set him onto the end of the bunch. "Guys, I'm a caboose, not Superman!"

"Are you implying we're fat?!" the engine and the rockies howled.

"Well, frankly, YES!!!" C.B. retorted.

"Keep your wheels on!" the foreman snapped. "I can see myself that's not possible!"

"Sir?" another worker came to the scene carrying a clipboard and a ball pen. "Your order came in."

"Oh good --" the foreman turned around, and suddenly blinked his eyes like he was just looking into bright light. "Wha -- Hey!! I asked for a caboose, not an electric component! How stupid do you think I am?"

C.B. opened his mouth to speak.

"And you don't even try!" the foreman snapped at him.

"Damn." C.B. commented, and turned to look at the questionable car.

He blinked, too. It was a flashing, female caboose, bright violet body (except the Stex equivalent of the head), green shoulder armor held by green straps over her chest, high green boots, and thick black rings around the lower legs. The most distinguishing feature was the long, spiky black hair, shot with magenta streaks that sometimes fell chaotically over the bright greent shades. No matter how much this might've been an electrical component, this was still a caboose, him being one himself, it was pretty easy to tell.

"But sir, it's a caboose, honest!" the man with the clipboard started.

"Duh!" C.B. shot back.

"Shut up!" the foreman shouted.

"Don't tell him to shut up!" the new caboose stomped a foot.

"Watch your tongue -- whatever!" the foreman growled. "Ok, shove that all, connect her and get it over with!"

The female caboose shot a questioning glance at C.B., who winked back. Looking at the ground, she blushed. That had the effect of producing a biting colorsheme of purple and red. She was still blushing when they coupled her to the back of the entire company.

"Ok, ok, that'll do." the foreman sighed. "Now get going."

The diesel train grunted once and started rolling - or did it? It ached with ever inch, but it couldn't proceed. Naturally, as all diesel trains have it, this one didn't accept that as easily. It pulled with full might, giving everything - nothing. Was the load too heavy?

"You're tempting the fates." the foreman growled.

Mumbling something that sounded like 'spoilsport' under his breath, C.B. finally took off the brakes. Still slowly, the train started moving, picking up a bit more speed on the track towards the city.

* * *

"Uhm... I'm... Jetfire, call me Jet." the bright caboose started somewhere after 20 minutes worth of track.

"I'm C.B. Jeesh, what's it with your color patterns? I mean, you could easily pass for a component."

"Shut it! I'm not a component of anyone!" she answered hurt. "Humans did this to me. Graffitti, y'know."

He nodded.

"And I don't belong to any engine that pulls humans along." she added. "I don't help them, I help other trains. Well, I think we can make an exception."

"Whatdaya mean? There's no obvious need to brake, we can't --"

Without even letting him finish, Jet stepped onto the brakes, and without much else to do, he did the same. The rest of the train came to a harsh halt, metal screeching, sparks glittering through the air like fountains of lightning, until one of the Rockies crashed into the one in front, and everything except the brake trucks crashed into one another and flipped off the trails, into the dust, and finally disinitegrated in a glorious uprise of an explosion, fire and dust struggling into the air.

"That... was good..."

* * *

Now most of the readers are propably breathing down my neck asking if Electra or Pearl is gonna be in this, because I know from experience everyone cares about them and no one wants to know about some puny brake trucks. Well, this is mostly about those 'puny brake trucks', so you might as well leave now, but what can I tell you?

Anyways, Electra, respectivley with all of her components, was sitting at home enjoying a Strawberry Bootlace party and watching VIVA.

"We interrupt our programming for an important message--"

"CRAP!! What is it?!" Electra howled.

"There's been a huge catastrophe in Australia! Countless trucks and a diesel engine have been completely destroyed!"

"Man, this shows this is stex VIVA, the real VIVA would never show anything like that, not even if an atomic world war would break loose." Purse commented.

"Waitaminute, guys, I think -- Uhm, doesn't it ring a bell? Australia, rail disaster?..." Volta begins, as it started to dawn on her.

"OH MAN!!!" Krupp yells. "You mean that freaky red caboose again?"

"Damn right! The one that made poor Volta rise against Electra!" Joule speaks.

"Made me?" Volta asked thoughtful. Seeing Electra advancing with a looming way to her, she quickly added: "Right! Right! Made me!"

Electra relaxed.

"So what do we do?" Wrench wants to know.

"Uhm..." Krupp has no idea. "Bootlaces, anyone?" he holds up another bowl.

Forgetting everything about the phantom caboose, the other components and Electra herself tackled Krupp in hopes of getting some of that strawberry sweetness.

* * *

C.B. and Jet, in their own turn, were sitting, waiting for the help Jet had called for with her mobile phone a few hours ago. Finally, a huge black steam engine approached from the distance.

"Hey... Man, I can't believe it -- Greaseball?!" C.B. realized.

"No, my man, this is Steamball." Jet corrected. "I met him on the freight con two years ago. He's a convert."

"C.B.!" Steamball laughed. "Man, I thought you were dead!"

"G.B. - that really you?" C.B. asked low.

"Damn right!" Steamball proclaimed. "I converted! Like the new look?" Greaseball had stayed pretty much the same, except that he had lost the Elvis cut and gone for a dry look to the black hair. The irritating thing about it all was that he'd totally gone rusted up and unkept.

"Uh...dazzling." C.B. lied.

"Don't have to pretend, old pal, I know I look awful, but I don't really care."

"You....don't...care?" C.B. asked, dumbstruck. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Greaseball?!" he asked, looking paranoid.

"Man, old pal, Greaseball is dead, steam is way better than diesel!" Steamball laughed again.

"G.B.!!! I can't believe what I'm hearing!!" C.B. shrieked, shaking the engine by the shoulders. "What medication are you on?!"

"C.B., relax!" Steamball laughed once more, "I was converted, ok?"

"I guess." the caboose answered, still shaken, and let go off the steam engine.

"Say, Steamball, you mind pullin' us back to Apollo Victoria?" Jet interrupted.

"Whew, how did you end up this lost?" Steamball chuckled.

"Well, it wasn't on purpose, Rusty clunked me with a pitchfork and the next thing I know, I'm in a mine in the outback." C.B. stated blankly.

"Rusty? Oh great! I really want to meet him, I have to thank him, he's the greatest and fastest train EVER!" Steamball said excitedly, taking his place on the tracks.

"G.B., you're scaring me." C.B. whined low.

"Stop calling me that, old friend! I'm S.B., the steam engine! WOOOO WOOOO!" the horn tooted loudly.

"Oh brother...." C.B. sighed.

* * *

Now we all know, in reality, it would take several weeks for a steamer to go all the way from Australia to Apollo Victoria, but since this is a fanfic and the author is more than a little loopy, I'm just gonna speed it up.

"Ok, here we are. I think I'll look up Rusty now!" Steamball declared as the three of them arrived at the city center.

"Thanks, G--" C.B. started, then corrected himself - "S.B."

"No problem! See you guys later!" he turned into another direction. "WOOOOO! WOOOO!" and off he went.

"Maybe I should tell Dinah." C.B. considered. "But then she'd just tell everyone we're back in town!"

"Anyways, and I says to him --" Volta's voice called, and C.B. quickly knocked himself and Jet into a heap of trash at the side of the road to hide from the components and their boss.

"Wha --" Jet started, but C.B. held her mouth shut.

"Hey, did you hear something?" Joule commented.

"Hear what?" Wrench asked, eating another Bootlace.

"I heard nothing." Electra shrugged.

Joule shrugged, following everyone else away.

Meanwhile, in the trash pile, C.B. noticed a rat crawling along and could just about guess what was going to happen now.

"Squeak!"

"THERE!!!" Joule yelled, throwing a dynamite stick into the heap of trash.

>>BOOM!<<

With a fading yell, both brake trucks were thrown high into the air, and dropped back onto the pavement slightly smoldered, landing in loud clanging noises.

" Nice reflexes there, Joule." C.B. coughed.

"YOU!!!" Electra exclaimed, wheeling to the two trucks. "I thought you were in Australia!"

"We were!" Jet croaked, drawing so pretty much everyone's attention to her.

"An electrical brake truck?" Krupp asked.

"I AM NOT A FRIGGIN' ELECTRICAL COMPONENT, FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME!!!" Jet yelled in a fit.

The fit was tragically cut short by Electra's mighty hand grabbing the colorful caboose by the throat and holding her up in the air.

"You let her down!" C.B. yelled as Jet was struggling unsuccessfully in the air. With an absent stomp, Electra stepped onto his chest and pushed down, nailing him to the ground while not keeping her eyes off the other caboose.

"Let me go, you electric currented --" Jet started to curse, but Electra just tightened her grip, and Jet couldn't afford another breath.

"You know, I've always wanted to have a lighting truck. We could change her to one, couldn't we?" Electra commented. "Say, Volta, do you still have that reprogramming system back in the hideout?"

"Why, yes." Volta nodded.

"Good."

"HEY! NOW WAIT A MINUTE!" C.B. shouted.

"Shut up!" Electra growled, stomping down flat. There was a gut-wrenching bang as she did so. "That's a perfect idea."

"Over my scrapped frame!!" C.B. struggled again, trying to get up.

"You're a tough customer, aren't you?" Krupp growled.

C.B. swallowed hard. A kick to the head, and everything went black.

* * *

"Buddy? You ok?"

C.B. woke up, vision blurring back together. Everything hurt. Greaseball -er, Steamball, that is, was kneeling next to him.

"ELECTRA!" C.B. cried out, sitting upright in a snap.

"What about her?" Steamball asked, helping the caboose up.

C.B., battered, warbled on incoherently about rats, trash, dynamite, components and Electra, until Steamball tried to really wake him up. He achieved that rather completely by pulling C.B. to the nearest washing station, and sending him through on coldest water temperature.

A shaking and quivering C.B. exitted the other end.

"That was uncalled for!" he complained.

"It was perfectly called for." the steam engine retorted. "Now, C.B., what happened to you? And where's the cute little companion of yours?"

"OOouuuuh." C.B. sighed, holding his head and sitting down on the sidewalk. "It was Electra. Me and Jet were trying to avoid her, but she found us, and she's got Jet." he sniffed a bit.

"C.B., are you crying?" Steamball asked baffled.

"Uh... NO! It's your stupid steam! It gets to my eyes!" C.B. shot defensivley.

Steamball just nodded and didn't add to the accusation.

"So, don't you want to get her back?" the steamer went on.

"Of course!" C.B. answered. "And I'd know where to go, but I can't do it by myself. "An Engine like that... and her components! It's too much! They'll rip me to pieces!"

"Greaseball?" a voice came from the side.

Steamball looked up.

"Dinah?!"

Indeed, it was Dinah, that dazzling Dining coacher.

"This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?" C.B. asked in sarcasm.

* * *

"Is it quite done yet?" Electra asked impatiently.

"Boss, brainwashing takes it's time." Volta answered, entering some more button commands to the computer. "There... almost done, it's at 97% of the necessary files, in a minute you'll have your own lighting tru--"

"Oh, shove it!" Electra hit the finish button just as the counter hit 99%.

"Oh no!!!" shrieked Volta. "We missed one!!"

"Shove it, icicle frame!" Electra snapped. "What's it matter? What's the file? Love? That would be a problem. Defiance? Treachery?"

"Uh... no, just the recipe for Strawberry Bootlace flur on a stick." Volta read off the screen.

"Oh, well that's not important! Get her up!" Electra ordered.

Volta hit another button, and a big chamber-like metal pod opened. Out of a hiss of steam, Jetfire emerged, setting her shades back on dim, lifeless, nearly posessed gray eyes.

"Hey, Jetfire." Electra spoke.

The truck looked up.

"Yes?"

"Specify allegiance and function."

"Lighting truck component to the engine Electra." shrugged the caboose. The plot thickened.

"EXCELLENT!" Electra declared. "Now, sweetie, go down to the supermarket and get some Bootlaces, and scrap that red caboose that's in town while you're back.

"Ok, as long as I don't have to make Bootlace flurs on a stick!" Jet commented. "I can't seem to remember the recipe..."

"NEVERMIND!" Electra snapped. "Just go."

"Yes, of course!" Jet did a courtesy bow and was off.

* * *

"Dinah, I told you I was ... " Steamball started.

"We know! S.O.R.R.R.Y.!" yelled all of the other carts, who had collected around the steamer and the caboose.

"Right! I went to get converted, and I know I should've come back, but I didn't want to come back 'till I was a licensed steamer, and I'm -- You know."

"Right." Dinah sighed. "Aww, I can't ever be angry with you." Dinah said happily, snuggling close to Steamball.

"Don't tell me, no one cares about my crisis?" C.B. asked.

"Seems to sum it up." Flat Top answered.

"Ok, that's it, I'm going alone!" C.B. shot, and left the others to do their little reunion.

* * *

Later on the evening.

"What do you mean you're out of Bootlaces?!" snapped Jetfire at the sales clerk.

"I'm really sorry!" he whined. "The next shipment comes in tomorrow."

"TOMORROW WON'T DO!" she snarled. "I NEED BOOTLACES! NOW!!"

"We got orange ones. That's all I can do." the sales clerk said low, handing the bag over to the truck. "Please leave...?"

Jetfire threw all the money Electra had given her on the table, and left the store.

* * *

Some parking lot.

"What's taking her so long?" growled Krupp. "It can't take that long to pick up a couple of bootlaces!"

"She'll be coming." Volta replied. "I'm sure, the programming was perfect."

"Well you forgot about me!" the familiar voice came from behind them.

The electric engine and her components whirled around.

"C.B.!" Electra spat.

"You got a lot of guts coming here!" Krupp added. "I'll --"

"I'm back!" Jetfire declared from the back.

Everyone shut up and stared at her.

"Ok, Krupp, move aside, this is the perfect point to prove that my reprogrammings actually work!" Volta declared. "Jet! Trash that stupid little caboose, put it's light out! Scrap it! I don't want one piece attached to another anymore when you're done."

"As you wish." Jetfire replied, dropping the orange flavoured Bootlaces on the street.

"Jet!! It's me!!" C.B. yelped as she approached and grabbed a convienently located crowbar from the street. "Jet! You can't be serious!"

No use. Jet approached ever so directly.

C.B. considered getting lost as quickly as he could. But what WAS he thinking?

"Jet!! Dammit, they're using you!"

He started backing away.

"Hey, he's getting away! Krupp, grab him!" Electra ordered. The armor truck moved forwards to do as he was told, but just as he was reaching the caboose, a thick black shadow suddenly reached forwards, grabbed Krupp most easily by the collar and lifted him high into the air.

"WHAT?!" Electra yelled. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. "GREASEBALL?!"

"The one and only!" the other engine replied and stepped into the light. Something was once again out of place. He didn't look so banged up anymore, and his black hair was again done up soaked in oil and grease. (Oh, you know, like, in the good sense...)

"That's right!" Dinah added, happily and just arriving. "I couldn't stand that whole steam, so he converted back to Diesel!"

"Isn't that bit ridiculous?" C.B. commented.

"No, dammit, I'm happy being diesel!" Greaseball replied, and hurled Krupp all the way over the place and into Electra, who staggered back. "No one beats diesel!" he growled. "Not even you sparkly personalities."

"Uh, guys?" C.B. asked carefully. He had just noticed Jetfire hadn't stopped approaching, now holding the crowbar over her head to strike.

"Shut it, C.B., I'll be with you in a moment." Greaseball shot absently.

"You'll be in scraps in one moment!" Electra snarled.

"Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?!" C.B. complained, and didn't pay much attention of the rest of Electra's components swarming over Greaseball and holding him away from Electra herself. "Jet! Come on! You can't do this!"

Nope, no response.

"Ok... this is just building up to be so cheesy anyways!" he declared. "Jet! Believe it or not, but I mean it! I love you!!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing.

"Uh, now, am I the only one who heard C.B. saying he actually loves something? Maybe something went bad in the re-conversion." Greaseball stated.

"Oh, FUNNY!" C.B. snapped. "I may be considered evil, but I'm not insensitive!" he redirected his attention back to Jet, who had stopped in her tracks a few steps from him. "Come on, Jet. We'll just go home. Uh, I mean, some hotel since we haven't got a home yet."

Jet glanced at him blankly.

"But I'm a lighting truck to Electra." she stated.

"No! No you're not! You're a caboose! A brake truck! Not a stupid component!"

"HEY!!!" Volta, Purse, Joule, Wrench and Krupp shouted in unison, but the red caboose paid it little mind.

"Remember?" he added. "Ok, ok, I get the hint!" he added when he got no reaction, reached forwards, and kissed her passionately on the lips.

Everyone gawked.

There was a pause as C.B. let go.

"Uh, Jetfire?" Electra croaked.

Jet took the green shades off, and the posessed look was gone completely. She smirked. "It's Jet. Just Jet, I'm a caboose. We never have long names." she smirked.

"VOLTA!!!" Electra howled, smacking her freezer component. "You said she--"

"I know! I don't know how it happened!" Volta whined. "Jet! You're lighting truck! Honest!" she tried.

"Oh, Jet?" C.B. interrupted. "That component is implying you'd help humans."

"WHAT?!" Jet snarled. "I never would! My jobs' with trains!"

"Oh... oh... oh yeah??? Well!!" Electra growled, reaching behind her back and producing a huge laser rifle. "Who needs brake trucks anyways?! C.B., this is all your fault! I'll just reprogramm her again, but you won't be around to cancel it out again Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh man, I should've expected this!" C.B. yelped.

Electra went on in a Riff Raff impersonation. "Now, Frank-N-Caboose, you're time has come! Say goodbye to all of this, and hello to oblivion!"

"That was really cheap!" C.B. commented.

"I don't care! Just die!!" Electra shouted, firing a beam straight at C.B.

But - you guessed it - Jet jumped inbetween at the moment, yelling "No" at the whole situation, and was zapped, then collapsed sunny-side down to the ground. Startled, Electra dropped the rifle.

"Dammit! I missed!" she muttered in disbelief. "I killed my own component!"

"Jet!" the red caboose shouted in equal disbelief, and dropped to his knees next to the downed tuck. "Come on, Jet, you can't do this to me!" he managed to turn her over. A big smoldering wound was on her chest, proving Electra hadn't missed as much as everyone else would've wanted her to. "Oh, damn, no!"

"Oh... C.B., are you ok?" Jet coughed weakly.

"Well... yes..." he muttered low. "Jet, please don't go! No one else on this mean old dimension likes me! And they'll never build another one like you!! - They're not that crazy - " he added aside. "Jet, please don't go!"

"Well, I don't have much of a choice..." Jet croaked. "But... you're the first one who ever cared for me. You're the sweetest truck I ever met. I love you, too."

And - you guessed it, too - she was still.

"ELECTRA!!! HOW COULD YOU?!!!!" C.B. yelled accusingly.

"I didn't mean to!!!" Electra replied, then got ahold of herself again. "Oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm a villain. I'm supposed to do evil things."

"This wasn't just evil! This was the Sephiroth kind of evil!" Rusty commented, then got funny looks from everyone. "What, doesn't anyone remember that part?"

"We do, Rusty, but I've never seen a caboose act like an innocent friendly little flower girl." Greaseball answered.

"Well, that wasn't the point!"

"Guys, just for once help me here! Let's bring them to justice!" C.B. declared.

"Uh... OH, LOOK! IT'S HALLEY'S COMET!!!" Volta pointed up at the sky, and all non-electric trains looked up. Electra and the components used that moment to get the hell away.

As everyone finally noticed that Halley's Comet WASN'T there, the electric company was gone.

"Dammit! She outwitted us!" Greaseball stomped a foot.

"Oh, what subterfuge." C.B. said in sarcasm.

"Whatdaya mean? It could've been Halley's Comet!" Flat Top said.

"Oye vey..." C.B. sighed. "Why do I even bother..."

"But... what do we do with Jet's scraps?" Dustin asked.

"Did you have to remind me?!" C.B. sobbed and picked up the dead caboose. "It's just not fair! Why can't anything in my life ever go right?!"

"Uh, C.B." Pearl threw in. Everyone looked at her. "This is the world of Stex fanfiction. No one ever dies here."

"What do you mean?" C.B. blinked confused.

"Ouh, man, did I go on a Bootlace bender...?" Jet moaned, coming to her senses.

"JET!" C.B. exclaimed. "How is this possible?!"

Rocky One picked up the laser rifle and narrowed his eyes to read it's display. "Uhm it reads 'Set to Stun'."

Everyone suddenly heard a very firm "Damn it!!!" in the distance that sounded suspiciously like Electra.

"Well, anyways, me, Dinah, Rusty and Pearl are off to a double date." Greaseball shrugged.

Within three minutes, all the other trains had found things to do as well, leaving C.B. and Jetfire on the parking lot.

"So, what do we do?" he asked.

"Well, I somehow recall you telling me that you love me." she chimed in a sugar-sweet voice. "Ya mind proving that?"

"Uhm, well... If you want to."

"Trust me, I do. So, where do we go?"

"They'd definitely come looking for us. But they wouldn't think we're dumb enough to go back to the catacombs beneath the theater." he snapped his fingers at the idea.

"You sure?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Damn sure!" he laughed, and the two brake trucks rolled off, sort of skipping out of the parking lot.

And if someone would've listened, he or she would've heard a rock'n'roll beat becoming eternal in the stex dimension (Author's butt-in: Aw, I've always wanted to do this!) -- And it rang out in the night.

Tell me all about your freight trains
Let the engines howl all night
Let the coachers host the humans
But this one thing's right

Nothing beats being one of us
We got our freedom and it lasts forever
But I can't imagine a good eternity
If it would mean we wouldn't be together

It's the truth
It's the truth
If they ever gave me
A second reason to my rhyme
To rebuild me all new
And the design choice were mine
It's the truth
It's the truth
There's nothing I'd loose
I'd still choose
Always choose
To be caboose!

No one else can keep the things going
Like us!
And even if we ain't ever showing
No fuss!

And together we'll rock
Together we'll roll
Together we take the whole wide world by storm
So I don't loose my hope when I'm forlorn
As long as you are next to me
There's no possibility I can't see

It's the truth
I'd still and always choose
To be caboose!