Once upon a time the was a blue steam engine called Thomas The Tank Engine and he was chugging his way over hill and vale to get to London on time because his girlfriend called Pearl was about to star in a little known stage show called Starlight Express. Pearl had already sent him a program, a sweatshirt, which he was wearing, and a very cool, not at all sad, flag. The flag was his favourite as he could wave it at all the other trains that he went past. He raced past Gordon and Percy and all his other friends because he knew that Pearl would kill him if he was late.
He was just going over the M25 when he heard a crunching sort of grinding noise. And as he went on it got louder, then he realised he had the steam train equivalent of a flat tyre. If he carried on he could permanently damage his movement capabilities, so he pulled into a siding and waited for a good samaritan to chuff past. No one came. He had no idea what to do. Pearl would kill him if he wasn't there on time, but if got there on time then he would have to be scrapped because he could not afford the repairs. Oh what was a train to do?
It was just then that Bertie the bus drove past underneath him on the M25, the hooted up to Thomas that he was going to get help and that Thomas should stay where he was. Bertie was a very clever bus. He knew he would not be able to help Thomas and get his passengers to where they wanted to be. So he phoned the AA. Not Alcoholics Anonymous, but Automobile Association. He wasn't sure if they could help a steam train or not, but it was worth a try.
Meanwhile Thomas was very lonely and he only had his thoughts for company. Eventually he fell asleep. He had wonderful dreams about Pearl and a very very very big cake. It was supremely dodgy.
Bertie dropped his passengers off at Trafalgar Square. Not everyone wanted to get off but Bertie said he'd poison them with carbon monoxide if they refused. Then he charged back to see if the AA had arrived to help Thomas.
When the AA arrived they found Thomas fast asleep with a smile on his face. The cause of this was never enquired about. They promptly woke him up and asked him what the problem was. He told them and asked them if they could fix him. At which point the AA men told Thomas that it was not routine for them to carry spare parts for steam trains, and it would take them some time to order the parts. About 3 weeks in fact. Thomas was very upset.
Meanwhile at the Apollo Victoria theatre, Pearl was worried. Thomas was always late. He had all sorts of excuses. The wrong type of snow, leaves on the line, people trying to commit suicide. The list was endless. Pearl made a decision. If Thomas wasn't at the performance, she would uncouple him.
When Bertie found Thomas, the poor little steam engine was crying his poor little heart out. There was no way that he could get there in time. Then Bertie suggested that he could get the parts straight from the warehouse. Thomas brightened a little, and Bertie set off.
Pearl had just finished her make-up and she got her stage call.
Bertie was in a right panic. The warehouse was an hour's drive away and he knew there was little chance of him getting back to Thomas, installing the parts, and Thomas getting to the theatre on time. In fact it was near on impossible. But he refused to be the one to dash Thomas's last hopes.
Pearl was giving the best performance of her life. It was a truly emotive experience for anyone watching. It was amazing was a little pain in your personal life can do for on-stage performing. Rusty her co-star was also firing on all cylinders. He was a very good actor. He had the ability to make the audience laugh and cry in one breath. Pearl admired him.
Thomas was very cold and it started to rain. His boiler had gone completely out, and there was just no steam left. As the night drew in, he realised in one of those moments of pure clarity that you get once in a lifetime, that this would mean the end of him and Pearl. He hoped he was wrong.
It was the interval at the Apollo Victoria theatre and all the young children were buying their flags. Lots of adults were also buying flags and claiming it was because their children had demanded them. Pearl was talking to Rusty. She never realised what an absolutely fascinating train Rusty really was. Just then she heard a clap of thunder in the distance.
What Pearl thought was a clap of thunder was actually Thomas being accidentally dropped back onto the line. Bertie had also managed to acquire a crane to lift Thomas off the track so the repairs could be made. The crane had been acquired at a considerable discount, the reason being that it had retired from service and was being sent to the scrap heap. It couldn't really take Thomas's weight and it unceremoniously plomped Thomas back down. Each solution to Thomas's current predicament seemed to throw up more problems than it solved. Anyway Thomas was now partially back to normal. Whatever normal is. He could now continue his journey.
Pearl was at the backstage party. Rusty had invited her to go with him as neither of them had a date. Or at least a date that showed up. Pearl had greatly enjoyed her evening spent conversing with someone that shared the same interests and also seemed so nice and charming and so much more punctual. She was partaking in a ritual long ago named as the slow dance, when Thomas chuffed through the doorway. She pretended not to notice him as he dripped dirty rain water all over the red carpet that had been laid down for all the stars, including herself. She looked away and Rusty whirled her around so she lost eye contact and for a split second forgot Thomas was there. The next thing she knew Rusty was on the floor and Thomas had grabbed her arm. Pearl was immediately more concerned about the bloody nose that Thomas had given Rusty, than what Thomas thought had been happening between her and Rusty. Some well built doormen apprehended the distraught Thomas, but Rusty, being a gentletrain, told them that everything was under control, and it had just been a slight misunderstanding. All three of them moved to a back office, to "talk it out". Thomas explained to Pearl why he was so late, but Pearl wouldn't have any of it. She told Thomas that she had had a better evening without him, and that she felt that they had come to the end of the track, and was dumping him. Thomas was now in more pain than he had been from the incident with the crane. The intensity increased even more when he was informed that she intended to pursue a relationship with Rusty.
Thomas decided he needed a drink at the bar, so he left the office and asked for a glass of water to cool him down. A coach sat down on the stool next to him. It was Buffy the buffet car. Thomas told Buffy all about it, and she was very understanding. She said similar things had happened between her and Electra, her and Greaseball, her and Nintendo, her and the Prince of Wales, in fact every available train in the production, plus those that weren't (available that is). They chatted happily well into the wee small hours of the morning.
A YEAR LATER
There was a double wedding and you'll never guess who's it was. Yes it was Rusty and Pearl's and Thomas and Buffy's. They all lived happily ever after, apart from that incident with the anteater, but that doesn't count.